The Baxter Brief

Amy’s note: This is a follow-up to a previous post about why women’s teams in sailing are important. Check out Part I here.

I am a nervous person by nature and sticking my neck out with my voice is hard to do. I did it anyway when I wrote and posted a blog about why a women’s team is important in the sailing world. Overnight, I had thousands of eyes on me. As the kids say, I felt “seen.” I was flooded with support for my views, but also a handful of attacks that I want to address here.

I never expected to elicit such a large response, which mostly came from Facebook shares and the Sailing Anarchy forum. For reference, my women’s team post received 2,000 unique views in 48 hours, while my previous top post clocked 85 over a few months. How nice to be popular!

I’ve read everything that came my way after my article was shared around Facebook. Many women I know and don’t know shared the post, and the criticism readily came from men. That is fine––I didn’t ask any man I know to read the article beforehand. However, I did ask several women in sailing and my professional writing field to read it specifically because I was nervous of backlash.

Action, reaction

After I posted the story, I received numerous thank yous from women and many more chimed in with their own experiences. One of my best friends even described being sexually harassed by a class officer after racing while another crew member looked on and told her to expect it. These bad behaviors deserve to be called out, not hidden in my bitter brain. In this case, I am happy to be the catalyst that drums up the discussion for others.

And I want to be super clear: this should not offend you.

My idea to promote a women’s team at regattas or in your frostbiting series at home––and that this representation is meaningful––should not offend you. No one bats an eye at an all-male team, ever. There should be at least one women’s team in every event, everywhere. Controversial? I think not.

 

There were a handful of responses attempting to discredit, lessen, or dismiss the problem of sexism in sailing entirely. The most common criticisms pointed out there are actually successful women in sailing or that the problem is not with all men. It feels ridiculous to have to respond to a man who says, “the best crew on my team are women” or “the winner of such-and-such regatta was a woman.” Those responses do not mean there aren’t sex-based disparities in the sport or that women aren’t under-represented.

Here are some (unedited) Facebook comments from men about my article:

• “Another pandering article targeting fragile egoed women… Regular, strong, smart women laugh at this victim-porn. So sick of first world whining.”
• “If there is a reason women don’t participate down here it’s because they don’t want to.”
• “I guess I’m in the minority here but I’ve not seen the lack of women sailing…”
• “I bet you smell as bad as you whine.” ***
• “Why does sailing suddenly have to have gender politics injected into it? You identity baiters are ruining my activity. Cant y’all just go sailing and have a good time? I’ve been sailing since I was 7 years old and the first person I raced against was a gal and no one said, ‘Oh there’s a girl sailing.’ and that was back in the 70s.”
• “The problem is the boat’s mechanics are designed for the physiology of men, so blame the yacht designer if you must. I’ve also been on many boats where they wanted a woman exclusively for the bow position because she was lighter, so you can’t selectively interpret your reality to suit your injustice narrative.”
• “Less women than men? Oh The Humanity!!!!”
• “It may be that women are less interested in sailing on average than men, and/or that women are less likely to demonstrate top level ability.”
• “There is no correlation between more men sailing and sexism.”

***Amy’s note: this is a personal favorite!

I’m not talking about the highest levels of sailing here. I’m talking about my yacht club, my experiences, and the experiences of my friends.

 

I think of myself as squarely in the middle of the American sailing world. I currently don’t own a boat, though I have owned a handful of dinghies, and I race at a mixed level. While I have 16 years of racing experience and college sailing on my resumé, I am not––by any stretch––a professional sailor, trying to be an Olympian, or shelling out cash on professional sailors to crew for me in higher-tier events around the country or the world. Think of me as the lady skipper in your hometown frostbiting series who sails with her friends and is also a competitive amateur crew for a couple big boats. I am still saving up for my first keelboat and deciding where to put my money (currently accepting advice).

That’s why the backlash is confusing to me. I do not understand why it is so hard to agree a women’s team in every space is beneficial to the sport. Isn’t your yacht club having the same discussion as mine, which is how do we get young people involved and interested enough in sailing to join? I’m telling you how: promote women in sailing and create a level playing field.

 

Calling out bad behavior is not an indictment of all men. Of course it is not. It is an indictment of a culture that harms people based on gender. If you believe this issue has not affected you and yours, or you’re not part of the problem because your trimmer is a woman, great! Seriously, you are very fortunate bias has not majorly impacted you, and I urge you to keep doing what you’re doing.

Two young women I know both said they were blown away by my experiences, confused even, because they haven’t faced the same doubts and obstacles from the sport. I think that’s amazing, and I support these women in every approach they want to take in sailing. If they want to sail with a men’s team or race with their husbands, my thinking is, “Yes, girl, you go for it!” I love to see it, and I’m not saying everyone should subscribe to my philosophy. I race with men all the time, and these are amazing experiences that I don’t want to trade or lose.

 

But I’ve also had different experiences and opportunities, and I’m not alone in wanting to see something else sometimes. Again, it shouldn’t be hard to agree a women’s team is cool.

Another response said I should promote what’s going right in sailing instead of focusing on the harms. I want to do that, too, but I want men to know it is not my responsibility to educate you. I do think of it as my responsibility to say things can be better, and I will tell you why.

One response really took me by surprise. A Chicago woman and skipper from my own yacht club commented I should quit whining about what the boys are doing, buy a boat, and race my own race. Someone else chimed in, “well said.” It was a disappointing comment from someone in a position of privilege with decades of experience in sailing. If you’re a female boat owner, you are actually my role model. I plan to be just like you, and I thank you for paving the way for me. But I am 28 and not yet independently wealthy, bless you.

I also don’t believe I need to be quiet as my best friend describes a much older CLASS OFFICER grabbing her crouch and mimicking oral sex on her in front of his crew. Shame on you for not seeing the message: women face this shit and it is not acceptable.

 

 

My friend never went back to racing with that team after that incident, and she felt blindsided by the disrespect from a group of people she trusted. When she joined my yacht club as an associate member the year before this humiliation, she was told she was one of just 60 women out of 2,000 total members* who were independent (not married). She has since moved to California and races with a women’s program out there. She also dropped my yacht club.

*Amy’s note: I have not verified this figure.

That grateful feeling

Something else that stuck out to me in the responses was the number of women who also said how “lucky” they were to have found a good program with people who respect them. They were “grateful” for their opportunities. I feel that way too. We feel lucky because these spots are actually hard to find. We end up working with and for the sailors who aren’t perpetuating a problem, but we feel grateful because we know, based on our experiences, that there is a problem. I suspect that many sailors, men included, also feel lucky to find a great program. It is the best feeling in the world to race well with people you like, regardless of gender, and I know it doesn’t come easy. When crews click, it is magical.

 

I recognize gratitude is not a feeling owned by women, but the responses went like this:

• “I’m SO grateful for the skippers and teams that have given me the opportunity to show them that I (and other female sailors) are just as capable as the guys.”
• “I was lucky to have gotten into the sport on a family crew, or it would have been much harder to break in.”
• “I’ve been lucky throughout my career, both as crew & boat owner.”
• “I’ve been really fortunate to grow in this sport, and I know the biggest reason is because of my determination.”
• “I have been lucky, in sailing, I’ve had brilliant coaches, fantastic crew, and top level competition over the years — all three of these things certainly create an atmosphere where those who can, will.”

It was also pointed out to me that I actually benefitted from those who do want to promote women in sailing. This lack of disclosure, I admit, is likely an oversight because I didn’t have any men read the article before I posted it.

My benefit has to do with Charleston Race Week, which prompted me to write the first post. I was selected to skipper a sponsored RS21 charter, which was making its debut as a racing class in 2019. This was a fantastic and progressive choice, in my humble opinion. Spoiler alert: my team won! I was given an opportunity many sailors never have, male or female, at a hugely competitive event. It was a memorable sailing experience to duke it out on an upwind leg next to the CEO of U.S. Sailing and his daughter, who is my age. Downwind, I reached a new top speed as a driver on a sailboat––18.8 knots. When the RS21 team of local high school sailors won a race, the entire fleet cheered and celebrated. The group was inclusive, supportive, and incredibly fun.

 

But I was still the exception. I was the only female driver in the class. I was asked to speak on camera about being the only lady skipper, and it was a great honor. I worked my ass off sailing every day for a week with local sailors and putting together the boats before the regatta. Off the water I reported on the event and wrote articles until midnight. I am one of the lucky ones to work with people who want to see inclusivity and offer life-changing or career-changing opportunities. In this instance, I feel grateful not because of any bad experience, but because of the opportunity and support from those who had trust in me. Not to mention, it felt good as hell to win such a huge prize AND be the girl in the crowd.

 

I still believe it is important to have a women’s team presence everywhere, because in most places it just doesn’t exist. It’s that simple. Win or lose, the presence of a women’s team makes a difference to the women who are there or watching from onshore. Women’s teams are the exception in the field, as are female helmsman. In many, many, many times in my sailing career, I am one of those exceptions. I think that’s why this issue feels important to me. My boat is often different because my tactician and I are not men. It’s not special because of that, but we represent something different. And that representation feels like a responsibility sometimes. I try to prove my ideal of a women’s team by just doing it.

 

If it weren’t for the women’s team in college, I also would not be a skipper and helming my own boats today. I went into college as a competitive dinghy crew. As a freshman, I was going to intersectional events, competing against the best teams in college sailing. When there weren’t enough skippers on the women’s team, I was asked if I wanted to give it a try. I said yes, but barely. In fact, I was pushed to do this by my Florida coaches. I don’t think they know, but I credit them both for turning me into a driver (thanks, Alex and Jesse!). And I’m grateful––again with that word! I can’t underscore enough that transitioning to skipper was a huge step back for me competitively for a long time. Instead of going to top events, I was coming in last place on the helm. I cried every day for a year at practice, but I did the work because I had the space and support with the women’s team to try (and goof off).

 

To the woman who told me to race my own race: I do! I win a lot, too. I also talk about the behaviors and actions that should be corrected so my friends don’t have to deal with it, so they are safe to learn and explore in the sailing world, and so they will join the fucking yacht club with me. And I talk about it so I can have another chick on the line I want to learn from or beat. Why does that offend you?

 

Amy’s note: I plan to post another article on this topic (or more) promoting what is going right in sailing to highlight the improvements and progression of the sport. I’d also like to talk about what every boat can do to ensure they are helping women progress in the sport (it is easy). Feel free to reach out in the comments with any thoughts on this topic. I’m all ears.